


Let me take you down

by littledarlin



Category: Paul McCartney - Fandom, The Beatles
Genre: Alternate Universe, BDSM, Bondage, Dom John, Dom/sub, Dom/sub Play, Light BDSM, M/M, McLennon Fanfic Exchange, School, Training
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2019-04-20
Packaged: 2019-05-21 03:30:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14907470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littledarlin/pseuds/littledarlin
Summary: The Quarry Bank Highschool is a school, that teaches young boys how to be a good Dom or Sub.It is Paul McCartney's first year on said school and he will meet his new Dom. They will stay together for years, maybe even a lifetime, so it is quite understandable, that he is a little afraid of meeting this man.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first story about BDSM, so please tell me, if I get something wrong. Apart from that, I will warn you about any sexual or violent content before the chapter, so if you're not comfortable with something like that, you should always read the author's note. Now have fun reading, and tell me what you think! XX

Paul sighed and looked at the door of his new classroom. This was the room, where he would see his new... _Dom_. The thought of that word made him shudder and his face was twisted in disgust. Oh, he hated being a Sub, even though he had never really experienced what it meant. But he hated the thought of staying at home all his life, being obedient and doing whatever his partner said. He had always dreamt of going to university, studying drama or literature or music. And then he had hit puberty and _pooof_...all his dreams destroyed by his goddamned body. If only he was born in the body of a Dom, then he could live the life he always wanted to. But no, this was his _destiny_ , as his mother liked to call it.

Paul sighed again and opened the door with suprisingly steady hands, his face controlled and without any emotion showing. He took a good look at his surroundings: There were tables and a chalkboard, the walls were white and too cold looking for Paul's liking. The usual stereotype of a classroom. But when he took a closer look, Paul noticed, that each table had two chairs, one of them higher than the other one. In front of the small chair was something, that looked like a very small and thick carpet, perfect for someone to kneel on it without getting sore knees. Paul groaned and felt the strong urge to walk backwards out of the classroom, but in this moment his eyes fell on the other students.

They were all standing in front of the chalkboard, not wanting to sit down and unsure about what was expected from them. Paul looked at the boys with a black bracelet, that indicated they were a dom. Was his dom already here? Or would he arrive soon? What if there were too many subs, and no one would want to be his partner? That would be embarressing, he thought, being the only one without a dom.

But his thoughts were interrupted by the teacher walking in, a tall man in a suit. He looked neat and strict, but also kind. Paul saw the white bracelet on his arm and instantly felt a wave of affection towards the older man. He had been here once, too, an afraid and nervous sub, waiting for the person who would have the ability to hurt him the most. But Paul noticed little things about the teacher, that made the wrinkle between his brows vanish. The older man had a lot of wrinkles from laughing too much under his eyes, and Paul spotted a smartphone sticking out from the leatherbag. So there was still hope, he would still be able to play _Hay-Day_. 

 The teacher had seen Paul's worried expression, and he smiled at the boy. He knew how nervous the sub students were, but there was no reason to be afraid. After all this was a school, that taught the young boys how to be happy with their destiny, and supervised the relationship between the students. Of course, physical punishment was allowed, as long as the sub didn't have any serious injuries from it. But in the beginning of their time at this school, doms weren't allowed to punish their subs as much as seniors, as the subs still had to learn how to behave, and didn't necessarily make mistakes on purpose. So really, there was nothing the students had to fear.

"Good morning, class! My name is Brian Epstein, Mr Epstein to you. I will be your teacher in Dom/Sub-education, short DSE. If you have chosen the subject music in practise, I will also educate you there. Now, let's get to the important part: Your partner. I will read your names out loud, and you may sit down. Don's worry, the profiles you handed in before the semester started, helped to find the best matching partner for you. I'm sure afte some time you will really like each other." He smiled and it looked genuine.

"William Lancon and Micheal Oatse." A tall and shy looking guy stepped forward and was greeted by his new dom, who smiled at him and shook his hand. They both seemed kind and not very violent, and Paul couldn't help but feel a little disappointed. If one nice dom was taken, it meant there were more assholes, that could be his mate. As Mr Epstein read the names on his list, more and more pairings took a seat, some of them looking happier than others. Paul noticed a tall boy with dark eyes and high cheekbones, who seemed terrified. He was paired with a dom, who was the friendliest looking person Paul had ever seen, and the tall boy seemed relieved about his short, blue-eyed partner.

"John Lennon and Paul McCartney," said Mr Epstein, and Paul felt a rush of adrenaline in his blood, as he looked around for this John-guy. His hazel eyes met light brown one's. The face, that belonged to those eyes was very handsome. John Lennon had aubern hair, that was a little tousled in the back. His eyes were almond shaped and warm, but there was a hint of mischief in them. The left corner of his mouth curled up in a hint of a smirk, making him look almost amused. 

When Paul didn't move, the other guy raised one eyebrow, and Paul started walking towards him. John offered him his hand and Paul shook it a little nervous. "I'm John. Nice to meet you, princess," he said and grinned. Paul's face became less friendly at the last remark and with a touch of sass he said: "Don't call me that." The other boy's grin widened. "Looks like you really need some training, eh?", he asked, though it was more to himself, than to Paul.

~*~

After Mr Epstein had read out all names, he told them to talk. Just talk, about whatever they wanted to. Paul felt slightly sick at the prospect of talking to his new dom again, as the other man did seem kind, but a little too amused by all this for Paul's liking.

"So, who are you?", John asked bluntly and Paul shrugged. "Already told ya, didn't I? I'm Paul McCartney.", he answered, but John shook his head. "I don't mean your name. Your name doesn't tell me anything about you. Who are you? What do you like? What's the most important thing in your life?" 

Paul thought about that for a moment. John seemed nice, but that didn't mean Paul wanted him to know everything about him. But then again, wasn't he going to find out anyway? They would live together like a married couple, for god's sake! 

"Uh...I guess music is the most important thing to me. But now that we're...together, I can forget that, so I'd say my brother. His name is Mike and he's younger than me. Two years, and the bastard had to be a dom, of course! He used to tease me with that, but he's great. Really, I love him a lot. I mean, he can be a pain in the ass, but he's family, right? So he's important to me", Paul said and John looked at him with an unreadable expression.

It looked to John, as if Paul hated the prospect of being a sub. But honestly, John had never been one of those people, who liked having power over other's. He wouldn't let Paul stay at home all day, having nothing to do, and he certainly wouldn't keep music from him.

"Let me get this straight, okay Paul? You can make as much music as you want to and you can have any instrument or CD. If you want to do or have something, just tell me, alright? This is a realtionship between the both of us, and I want you to enjoy it as much as possible. But I will train you, though. I mean, I have to, right? If we don't stay together forever, your next dom might not be as tolerant as me, and if you don't know how to act then, you might regret it." Paul looked at him with big eyes, and slowly his lips curled up in a smile, that seemed to brighten up his face to the point, where he looked almost angelic.

"Thank you, John. That's really kind of you. When I came here I thought my life would be over, you know? But maybe I should just give it a chance. It doesn't seem so bad now," Paul answered honestly and John smiled back at him. He was lucky to have such a nice and goodlooking sub, who seemed to love music just as much as he did. What would have happened, if he didn't like his sub? He was glad he had been paired with Paul. Maybe they could both get something out of this.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second Chapter!!  
> I really enjoyed writing this, and I hope you like it.  
> Sorry if there are any spelling mistakes, I will correct them later!  
> XX

"Alright, now that you have introduced yourself to each other, we will contuinue with how your life will look like in this relationship. Every couple has their own room in our dorm, Mr Martin will show you later. The room contains one bed, there's room enough for the both of you. If you feel uncomfortable with sleeping in the same bed at the beginning of your relationship, you can talk to me after the lesson, and I will arrange something for you. We do recommend sleeping together, though, it will make you two become far more comfortable around each other.

 You will have school from Monday to Thursday. On Fridays we have something called the "Training-day" in the first semester. It is something, where the both of you can focus on your bad habits or problems in your relationship and work on them. You don't have to attend to any lesson, but we trust the doms to really use that time. It can be for anything, really. It depends on your relationship, that's why there is no such thing as a lesson. If the sub misbehaves often, the dom can discipline him, and if something the dom does bothers the sub, you can try to find a solution. But we do not want you to use that time only as a way of dominating your sub, on this day your opinions are equal. Take that to heart, or I promise you, your relationship will not work out.", Mr Epstein said, a serious expression on his face.

Paul and the other subs were kneeling on the little pad like they had been told to. This was the position they were expected to be in whenever their - or any other - dom was around. Of course the rules could be loosend, especially for their room, but for now they were supposed to practise it. Mr Epstein contuinued to tell them all about the lessons, the teachers and schedules. Half way through, Paul stopped listening and tried to look at John without him noticing.

Maybe it was stupid, but in this kneeling postion, Paul didn't feel the need to get up and be looked at as equal. Somehow it fit, him being the submissive and John the dominant. It just felt like it was supposed to be like that, and Paul didn't even mind, that he wasn't allowed to get up, unless he had John's permission. Maybe those profiles they had handed in, had really worked! He knew, that he didn't want anyone else as his dom.

"Mr McCartney! Are you listening to me?", Mr Epstein asked, his tone strict, but friendly. "Yes, Sir. I am, Sir," Paul answered, looking down, not having been given permission to look up. Of course he hadn't been listening. He hoped the teacher hadn't asked him another question.

"No you're not," John whispered, and Paul's cheeks blushed dark red. He heard John snort, obviously amused by his behavior. Paul wanted to answer John, but he hadn't been asked a question, so he'd probably be in for more punishment, if he did. So he pressed his lips together, a little afraid that he might really get into trouble. But then he felt a warm hand on his shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly and he felt a lot better. The good thing about this relationship was, that even the teacher's weren't allowed to punish him, if John said so. He was lucky to have someone like John as his partner, really. He wouldn't hurt him too bad.

~*~

John led Paul through the corridors of their new school, and the sub was somehow reminded of Hogwarts. The building was old and huge, but there weren't a lot students compared to it's size. After the lesson Paul had been given a tiny silvernecklace, which said "Submissive of John W. Lennon" in cursive letters. Somehow the jewlery made it all the more real, it almost felt like he was John's property now. In a way he was, of course, but he also wasn't. This was all very confusing and new for the young man.

"You okay?", John asked, his voice dark, dominating, yet soft. Paul nodded, before he remembered that he was supposed to answer verbaly. "Yes, Sir. I am. It's just all a little much, you know?", he answered, his voice a little shaky. "I know, Paul. But we'll take it slow, okay? If there is a problem, don't be afraid to tell me. And I've also thought of something we can use during...physical interaction." He smirked when Paul swallowed thickly and contuinued. "I read about colours. So when you say green, I keep on going, yellow is almost too much, and red is definately too much. I will always ask you for your colours, okay?"

Paul thought of that as fair. John still had the lead, but Paul could tell him when he was seriously not able to keep on going. "That does sound like a good solution, Sir," Paul said, now with the hint of a smile on his face. "Great. Now, what do you wanna do? Are you hungry?", John asked and took Paul's hand in his. This small gesture made Paul blush so hard, that John would have thought he was really angry, if it wasn't for the smile on his lips.

"Not really, Sir. But I would like to see our room, if you don't mind," he said, a touch of excitement in his voice. "Sure. Whatever you say, princess," John grinned, teasing Paul. "Dickhead...", Paul muttered, forgetting his position for just a moment. John let go of his hand and  looked him in the eyes, his grin vanishing.

"I try to treat you as well as possible, Paul, but I do not tolerate insults. I know it was meant as a joke, but there is no way you can keep that up." His tone was strict and serious. Paul's eyes were huge, even more so than usually, and he felt his stomach twist unpleasently. "For cases like that, it is recommended to either make your sub swallow spoons with caster oil, or spanking. It's your choice, 3 spoons, or 10 times on the butt," John said and Paul swallowed nervously. He didn't expect John to be that strict in the beginning of their relationship.

"I am sorry, Sir. The oil, Sir," he whispered and John nodded. "We will count your misbehaviores and you will get the punishment on the evenings, I want to keep it private. I hope we will be able to use our evenings for doing something else, though. I heard everyone has a telly in their room!" Paul felt relieved, that John didn't make him kneel and eat the oil here, where everybody could see him. A lot doms liked to do that, but Paul thought of it as unneccesarily cruel.

"Will I be allowed to watch Sherlock, Sir? I've started it at home, and I am absolutely obsessed!", Paul said, hearing John laugh affectionately. "Of course, Sweetie," he muttered and took Paul's hand again. Together they walked to their room ( number 9, to John's delight).

John opened the door with a card, that had a small display on it. Paul had been given a card too, but his was slightely different. If he wanted to open the door, John had to allow it on his card, a small dot popping up on the display, which John had to press. It sounded more difficult than it was, really.

The room was big and open, even having a balcony and huge windows. Paul walked over to them and the view was great: he could see the park, big trees, a lake and green grass. He was happy, that his parents had been able to afford a school like this one, where he could feel at home. He wasn't allowed to see his family during the first semester - the teachers thought it would be better for their fresh relationship - but maybe he wouldn't miss home as much as he thought he would.

After having inspected the outdoors, he looked at the room more closely. There was a huge bed with white and grey pillows, that looked more than comfortable. There was a bay window with a table on the wall next to the bed, where they could write and draw. A small area was fenced,  obviously made for subs who misbehaved and were supposed to stay in the room. Somehow he thought, that John wouldn't like to use that as a punishment.

The dom had already vanished into the bathroom, which was well equipped. The shower was huge, but nothing compared to the bathtub, which was clearly made for two people. There were all kinds of shampoos and lotions, and Paul noticed some bottles of lube, what made him shift uncomfortably on his feet. John was humming and unpacking his stuff, not being bothered by the obvious sexual innuendous in this room.

"Do you need help with that?", Paul asked, knowing a 'Sir' wasn't expected from him in their room. "Oh no Paul, thanks. Go unpack your own stuff, there is a walk-in wardrobe we can share," he answered and put his green toothbrush in one of the glasses. Paul nodded and walked out of the room, somehow disappointed that he wasn't allowed to be close to John. He thought it was stupid and weak, but he already felt the need of approval and affection from John, the need to submit to him.

Paul unpacked his things with great pleasure, he had always liked a clean and tidy room, and it was nice to see, how the room started looking more and more like home. He put his clothes in the wardrobe, his books on the shelf and a photo of his Mum, Dad, and brother on the nightstand. John had showered and Paul was grateful for the minutes, in which he could simply be himself and didn't have to wait for commands from his dom. He was reading the first chapter of Alice in wonderland, when John came out of the bathroom, wearing nothing but a towel and a grin.

"Alice in wonderland, eh? I've always liked this book. You seem like a clever lad, Paulie," he said, grabbing a pair of boxers and a shirt. Paul smiled at the nickname, this one was one he liked. John got dressed in the wardrobe and hopped on the bed next to Paul, smiling at his face.

"So, you said you liked music, hm?" And they spent the rest of the time on their bed, talking about Rock 'n' Roll and Elvis.

~*~

John let the food come up to their room, something they could do once a week, and grinned when he saw Paul's face. "Don't you like roastbeef?", he asked, a little confused. Everyone liked roastbeef. "I'm a vegetarian", Paul answered and John chuckled. "You'e lucky, there's Pizza, too," he answered and placed the plates on the table.

After dinner, John got out a bottle of caster oil, and Paul pouted. John looked at him with his it-is-your-own-faut-look and the ravenhaired man sighed.

"Kneel," John said, obviously wanting to show Paul, that he was still a sub, even in their room. Paul obeyed quietly, knowing that whining would only make it worse. "Open up," John ordered, in the same strict tone as before. Paul opened his mouth and waited for the spoon, so it was quite unexpected to see John drizzle some of the oil on his finger, before letting it slip into Paul's mouth. The taste on his tongue was bitter and disgusting and Paul grimaced. "Swallow," John demanded, making Paul obey immediately. 

John did this two more times, each time with a little more oil. "And what do we say?", he asked after the last finger. "Thank you, Sir," Paul muttered, obviously ashamed and embaressed. "You're welcome, Sweetie. You did great," John answered, a smile on his face. Paul didn't dare to look up, his face red with shame. Even when John went to the balcony to smoke, he stayed in his kneeling position, waiting for John to come back in, as they still wanted to go for a walk in the park.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally the new chapter is here! Enjoy!

When John was done smoking, he came back in, smiling at Paul. "Wanna go for a walk? The sun will be setting soon, it'll look beautiful," he sayed, his tone gentle. "Mh-Hm." John didn't  comment on the response, his teachers had told him, that his sub's reaction to the first punishment might be really strong. So he just took Paul's hand, an affectionate, yet possessive gesture.

Paul was quiet during the walk, exhausted from taking in so many new information and still embarrassed by the punishment. He thought about his family, were they missing him? Of course they were, especially Mike. Paul missed him, too. John, who noticed Paul's low mood, squeezed Paul's hand, making him look at him.

"Do you play the guitar? You can have mine tomorrow, if you want to," he said and Paul seemed a lot happier all of a sudden. The young man already missed music, even though it had only been one day. Yesterday he had still been playing Elvis and David Bowie and now he was here, holding some guys hand he neither knew, nor loved. 

"Yes, I'd like that, Sir. Thank you," he answered politely, careful not to make a mistake again. John nodded and smiled at him, a genuine smile that made Paul's stomach swirl a little. Surely it was just the excitement of being able to play again.

~*~

When they came back, Paul was exhausted and John allowed him to take a shower. The door had to stay open though, John didn't want Paul to cut his wrists with a razor or something. It was weird, to shower with someone being able to look at you, and Paul wasn't even in the position to tell him to look away! He wondered if John did this, to make sure he didn't wank without his permission. He knew John was also in control of his sexual activities, and it bothered him more than he'd admit.

"John?", he asked from the bathroom, stepping inside the shower. John hummed to let him know he had heard him. "Could you- Could you not look? I-I don't like being all exposed," Paul said honestly, and John smiled, but turned his back to Paul. He thought it was adoreable, really. Paul didn't want him to see him through the milky glass of the shower, when, in a few days, he was supposed to make the first sexual move.

He wouldn't tell Paul about that, but the Doms had been told, that they shouldn't wait too long for that part of their relationship, as it was quite helpful to train the sub with sex. John had to admit, he did think Paul was really good looking, and he wouldn't mind touching him. 

When Paul stepped out of the shower again, he dried his hair and body with one of the towels, before slipping into his boxers. He always slept in boxers, and John had told him it was okay for him to continue. The older man was already laying in bed, waiting for his new sub.

"Did you enjoy the shower?", he asked and Paul nodded. "Yes, Sir, I did. It was an exhausting day and the showers here are really nice," he answered, jumping on the bed. John smiled at Paul, finding him more than adoreable with his tousled hair and naked chest.

"Come 'ere," he ordered, his voice gentle. The younger man moved towards his dom, a little afraid of the next move. 

John threw the blanket over Paul's half naked body, and tucked him in, chuckling when Paul snuggled up into the comfortable warmth, his eyes already droopy.

"I enjoyed spending time with you, Paulie. Now, good night, sleep tight," John whispered and switched the light off. "Don't let the bed bugs bite," Paul finished and smiled a little. John was very kind and caring, and somehow Paul's stomach felt warm at the prospect of waking up next to him tomorrow. It was so nice to be sure this relationship was meant to be, he didn't have to question anything.

John hopped into bed, too, closing his eyes and letting his mind drift away from reality, until there was nothing left but the ease of his dreamworld.

~*~

The next day Paul awoke with something tickling his cheek and he groaned into the pillow. John grinned, but continued to caress his subs cheek.

"Come on, Paul. This is our last day without shool before the term starts, I don't want to spend it in bed," he said, wanting to get Paul out of bed. But the thought of doing something other than sleeping seemed crazy to the younger man and he shook his head like a child, pretending to be still asleep. 

"You can't play the guitar in bed, sweetie," John said and Paul stirred. He slowly got up, his huge eyes still unfocused and dreamy. John opened the curtains, letting bright sunlight flood into the room, painting everything golden. Paul yawned and looked outside. It was another sunny day, and he could already see some people walking in the park with their dogs.

"John?", he asked. John hummed. "There are people with dogs. Can we have one, too?" His voice sounded happy and nothing like yesterday. Everything seemed right.

"First I need to train you, before I can focus on training a dog," John joked and Paul giggled. He rubbed his eyes a little and got up, asking John what he was supposed to wear. The older man told him, that he was allowed to wear what he wanted, but that today he wanted to see him one of his dark blue turtlenecks, John had seen him put into the wardrobe. 

Paul nodded and got a pair of jeans, clean Boxers, socks and the turtleneck out of the wardrobe. He knew John expected him to change here, as the dom had not said anything else, but he felt weird about doing it in front of John. John noticed his discomfort and turned to the wall, giving him space and privacy.

Paul was grateful, that John didn't force him to do anything. He knew a lot doms used their subs just to use the power they had, but it seemed like John really wanted this to become a healthy relationship.

When the two of them had brushed their teeth and dressed, John got his card to open the door, and led Paul outside. They were going to eat breakfast now, down in the cafeteria. 

When they arrived, Paul wanted to grab a plate, but John held him back. "You're allowed to eat whatever you want to, but every meal has to contain vegetables or fruit, okay? It's my job to keep you healthy, I don't want you too eat junk food," he said almost apologetically, but eating healthy wasn't a problem for Paul. He had always like fruit and vegetables, so he wouldn't have to change anything.

After getting some scrambled egg, bread and fruit salad, Paul walked over to John, who was sitting on a table near one of the huge windows. He noticed there was equipment for kneeling subs, but John didn't say anything about it, so he sat down on the chair. They ate and talked about their life. Mostly it was John asking questions, and Paul answering as honestly as possible. 

After some time, two other lads walked over to them, one of them with high cheekbones and the other with blue eyes. Paul recognised them from the day before, and he smiled at the sub.

"Hello, are those seats taken? Everywhere else is full," the one with the huge nose and blue eyes said. John smiled, and told them they could sit down. "I'm John, this is my sub Paul. You're Richard, right? I heard your name on the list yesterday," John said and Richard nodded. "Yeah, I am, but please call me Ringo. This is George, my submissive," he answered and told they all said Hi again.

John and Ringo talked about the training, leaving their subs to each other. "So, you're George, eh? I saw you yesterday. You're lucky with Ringo, he seems really nice," Paul said and George nodded. "He is! I was afraid when I got here, but Ringo is kind and he truly cares about me, you know? That's nice, cause I thought all doms were dickheads-"

"Language, George," Ringo scolded and George apologised. "He doesn't like me swearing," he giggled and Paul chuckled, too. He liked George already. Although having seemed rather quiet at the beginning, he was now talking non stop and Paul was barely able to keep up.

"Paul, are you done, or do you want some more food?", John asked him and Paul told him he wasn't hungry anymore. The other sub was eating his fourth plate by now, and Paul was amazed by how much George was able to get into that flat tummy of his.

"Well, let's go then. I want to look around the campus a little," John said, and Paul got up quickly, cleaning the table. It was his job as a sub to do things like that, but he didn't really mind. It had been his job at home, too. After the table was clean, they said good bye to Ringo and George and left the cafeteria, John putting one arm around the younger man's shoulder.

"Did you enjoy your breakfast?", he asked, obviously wanting to make sure Paul was feeling well. Who knew, if Paul would tell him if something was wrong.

"It was delicious, Sir. Especially the scrambled egg," Paul answered and John nodded. When they got outside, John lit a cigarette and Paul felt his own throat itching for one, too. He wanted to ask John for one, but he knew he wasn't allowed to smoke. Subs were barely allowed to drink coffee, so real drugs were definitely to much. But he could ask, couldn't he?

"John, can I have a cig, too?", he asked and John turned his face to him. His brows were furrowed. "You are supposed to adress me with "Sir", when we're not in our room. And you know you're not allowed to smoke, you'll get thrown out," he scolded. "5 times on the butt for calling me John and another 5 for asking stupid questions."

Paul looked at him with big eyes. If the oil had been humiliating, how would it feel like to be bent over John's knee like a naughty school boy? He shuddered at the thought.

"I'm sorry, Sir. It won't happen again", he apologised and John nodded. He wasn't looking forward to punishing Paul again, but the other man had to learn! He couldn't just call him John, people would think he didn't have his sub under control! He sighed and took Paul's hand, wanting to go the library. He hadn't checked that one out, and he still wanted to read Howl by Allen Ginsberg. Paul didn't talk for the rest of the walk, thinking about the punishment, but John knew he had to spank him. The oil may have been effective, but the sooner they got to the more physical part of their relationship, the better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this was it! Did you enjoy it? Please leave a comment, if you did!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if there are typos, I'll fix it soon! Enjoy♡

John and Paul had spent their day at the library, reading books and drinking earl grey tea. Paul had enjoyed the quietness a lot, as the days before had been exhausting and very stressful. Being here with John, almost nobody else around, and reading his favourite books snuggled up into a blanket on one of the comfortable sofas - it had been perfect. John had let him sleep for a little while, smiling when Paul had started to snore softely.

Now the two of them were having dinner in the Cafeteria and Paul noticed how hungry he was. His breakfast hadn't been too much and the tea in the library had only increased the urgency to go to the loo, but hadn't helped him with his hunger. Paul put some more mashed potatoes on his plate and went back to his and John's table, where the older man was already waiting for him. Paul frowned slightly when he noticed the meat on his dom's plate.

John smiled at him when he sat down and Paul blushed. Why the hell did he blush?? John had smiled at him a lot! It must be the hunger, he thought and sat down, waiting for John's allowence to eat. 

The food tasted as good as always and Paul somehow hated the fact, that he had no reason to hate this place. None at all. John was nice and his room was nice and the food was nice and the campus was nice. The whole goddamned thing was too nice, to fucking good to hate it.

"Hey Paul, are you okay? Is your food not tasting good?", John asked, his tone slightly worried. Paul shook his head and said he was fine, but he knew John wouldn't buy it. His dom was good at reading him, even if two days ago they hadn't known each other.

When they were done with the food, John wanted to go back to the room, and so they did. Paul was still quiet, not saying much, and mostly looking at the floor in front of him. John felt the sudden urge to hold him close, to tell him that he would look out for him and be kind to him and that everything was going to be okay, but they weren't close enough for anything like that, and so he only took Paul's hand, something the other man seemed to like. He squeezed his sub's hand slightly and smiled when he felt Paul very shyly and hesitant squeeze back. 

When they were in their room, John thought about the spanking. He knew if he wouldn't do it he would be inconsequent, but he also knew Paul was not really comfortable with their relationship yet. So maybe he shouldn't spank him. He could do something physical, just to get closer to Paul and to show him that there was nothing he had to be afraid of. Yes, that was the best solution. 

"Hey Paul? About your punishment for your behaviour this morning - I am not going to do anything. I think you know what your mistake was, so a spanking is not needed, okay? I expect you to be on your best behaviour, though," he said and Paul seemed a little happier and very relieved. John hadn't noticed that Paul had...he had almost been afraid of this punishment.

"Thank you, John. I appreciate that. And I will not do something like that again, I promise," Paul answered, his tone polite. Too polite. Paul wasn't relaxed, he was tense and he was afraid of John. His face wasn't exactly sad or angry, it was just...controlled. Except for his eyes, they were wild and not at all obedient. To John it looked like there was a storm inside of Paul, and not the kind of storm that makes people write poems. It was the kind that destroyed their minds.

"Come here, Paulie," John spoke softly and the younger man obeyed immediately. John patted the spot next to him on the bed and Paul sat down, careful not to touch John's arm with his own. But the dom placed his fingers on Paul's cheek, making him look at him.

John looked at this beautiful, hurt face with the deep hazel eyes that spoke louder to him than those full lips ever would. He leaned his forehead against Paul's, feeling the younger man tense, as his breath caressed his face.

"I am never going to hurt you, Paul. I want you to know that. As long as you're with me, nothing will hurt you. Please don't be afraid of me," he whispered and Paul closed his eyes, wanting to keep John and his far too understanding and caring words out. 

Suddenly John felt a wave of something warm in his chest and he closed the gap between their lips. Now they're was no layer between them, no cloth, no nothing. Just skin on skin, ice on fire. He felt like something fell into place, something deep within him.

Paul felt those thin lips caressing his and he shuddered. This was good, this was warm and safe and secure. He had needed this. The touch of someone who cared, who cared about that he wanted to become a rockstar or at least go to university and that he wanted to smoke and laugh and make dirty jokes and punch John in the shoulder and be cheeky. All the things he was not allowed to, and John cared. 

They parted again and John's heart fluttered slightly when he noticed the smile on Paul's face. 

"I like you, John. Thank you for that," the younger man whispered and blushed and John couldn't help but kiss him again. How was he so lucky to have this angel? In this moment he was sure, that this was right and meant to be. 

John let go of Paul again, but continued to look at him. Paul felt slightly uncomfortable under this intense stare, but he knew John didn't do it in some twisted, perverted way, but only because he liked Paul. And somehow that made Paul feel good, because who had ever liked him? His parents thought he was a disappointment,  because he didn't live up to his role as a sub. His brother liked him, sure, but he wasn't really interested in doing something with Paul. 

Maybe Jane had liked him. Paul and her had been friends when they were younger. They used to walk around and explore nature and watch birds they had never seen before. Or they had built their own little tent out of sticks and branches. It had been nice to have a friend who was like him, but all that had ended, when Jane had been married at the age of 13. Paul had never seen her again after that, he didn't even know if she was okay.

"A penny for your thoughts," John whispered and Paul looked up. 

"I was just thinking about this friend I had. She was a sub, too. We were really close, you know? But their parents arranged a marriage and then she was just gone. Before I knew I was gay and a sub, I always thought I would marry her. Not because I was in love with her, but simply because we'd both be happy. Now she's gone with some asshole and I don't even know if he treats her right," Paul explained and suddenly he felt tears burning in his eyes. 

John was touched by Paul's story and when he noticed the tears in Paul's eyes, he pulled him a little closer, until Paul's face was buried in his chest. The younger man tried to hold his sobs back, but John stroked his hair and whispered: "let it all out, Paul. Let all this shit out."

And Paul started sobbing, because this wasn't the life he wanted to have. He wanted to be with Jane and be in the woods again. He wanted children. He wanted a dog and he wanted to smoke pot and drink until he passed out and he wanted to do whatever the fuck he wanted to. But he couldn't, so all that was left, was crying in the arms of the only one who cared. 

After some time Paul calmed down again, and John smiled sadly at him. 

"I hope you feel a little better now, Paulie. Do you want to go to bed?" Paul nodded and John got up, bringing the younger man his pyjamas. They changed quickly and then John pulled the covers over them. It was dark by now, and Paul could only see John's silhouette and eyes, reflecting the light of the moon. They were huge and open and worried and Paul liked them. They were warm. Caring. Nobody had looked at him like that in a long time.

So Paul did the one thing he had been afraid of only hours ago. He pressed his lips to John's and felt the older man's arms wrap around him, holding  him safe and close. They fell asleep like that, lips almost touching, bodies wrapped around each other in a haze of loneliness and longing for human touch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment with feedback, that way I know what you guys like to read♡


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I am terribly sorry this took so long! I was busy and had some kind of writing blockade which made it hard to write something decent. I hope you will enjoy this, though! If you do, please let me know and vote, so my story gets a higher rank in #mclennon. Thank you!!

The next morning, the alarm woke the two young men, still laying wrapped around each other in bed. Paul groaned quietly and turned his head to look at John, who was still fast asleep.

"Wake up, sleepy head," Paul said and gently shook the older man by his shoulder. Somehow after the day before, Paul felt better and safer. Now John knew what going on in Paul's head. Paul had never liked crying in front of other people, as he usually prefered his cool and controlled mask, but the kind words and things John said and did had made him realise, that John wasn't here to hurt him.

And the kissing part had been nice, too. Paul had, although it was forbidden, kissed a few people before. First Jane, who had laughed at him and said he sucked at kissing, and then this one special boy. The first person he had felt romantic feelings for, and he didn't even know his real name. He had always called himself Pete, but Paul knew it wasn't true.

Pete had been a boy Paul and Jane had met during one of their hikes through the woods. He had been older, and very good looking and the sounds of his laughter were still ringing in Paul's head to this day. Paul had been twelve and Pete fiveteen, maybe sixteen, when the older boy had kissed Paul. And it had been in this particular moment, when Paul had realised, that he was not straight.

"Whoever you're thinking of is a lucky person," John suddenly said Paul looked at him with a blank expression. "Huh?", he asked and John chuckled, repeating his sentence. Paul blushed and looked away, obviously not wanting John to know about Pete. John reached out for his sub's face and smiled at him.

"I know you're not in love with me, Paul, and I don't expect you to act like it. You can't force love. But I do hope you'll think about me like that one day." His voice was kind and understanding and Paul couldn't stand it. He nodded and looked away. 

"John?" "Yes?" "Can we kiss, even if I'm not in love with you?", the younger man asked, remembering the sweet taste of John's lips on his, the feeling of safety and love. The dom laughed quietly and nodded, ruffling Paul's hair. He felt relieved at that answer, knowing that he needed human contact now more than ever. And there had been such a warm feeling in his stomach, very similar to Pete's kiss.

The two of them showered and got dressed, sharing a few kisses while doing so, and with every little touch and look Paul realxed a little more. Being as tense as he always was, was exhausting and somehow he didn't care if he let his guard down anymore. _Let John hurt you, who cares. It's too damn exhausting to act all the time_ , he thought as he slipped into his shoes.

Paul was wearing a tight black jeans, a white shirt and a lightblue blazer. John almost didn't believe his eyes when he stepped out of the bathroom. He whistled quietly and grinned. "Damn son, that's one tight outfit. I'm glad nobody here is allowed to...do the things I am," he said and Paul blushed - as always -  at the comment. "You're not looking bad yourself," he answered. John laughed and let his hand rest on Paul's hip. "Feeling cocky today, are we?"

Paul just smiled and shrugged, shamelessly looking John up and down. The older man had styled his hair in a very Elvis kind of way and was wearing dark jeans, a dark shirt and his leatherjacket. All in all he looked like a teddyboy from the 50s and Paul wondered, how he was so lucky to have met someone who loved the past just as much as he did.

John's thumb drew little circles on Paul's hip, calming him a little. The sub knew he was waiting for his okay to kiss him, but he didn't want to _allow_ it. He wanted to _do_ it himself, just kiss John right there on the doorstep for everyone to see. So he leaned up a little, as John was a little taller than him, and let their lips touch very gently. But suddenly he felt this urge to do something unexpected, to provocate John. Not because he was angry, but because he missed making his own choices.

So he kissed John harder, pressing his lips almost forcefully onto the other man's and sucking dirtily. John grinned into the kiss and slammed Paul - in a gentle way - against the wall, resting his hands next to his head. So Paul wanted to play that game? Oh well, John knew how to kiss dirtily. The older man's tongue slipped into the sub's mouth, making Paul moan weakly as he tasted John for real. Their tongues danced together for a while, until they heard a few people giggle. John let go of Paul, not without biting down on his lower lip once.

"Shit," Paul cursed and looked at the open door, but John only grinned smugly. "Don't curse, sweetheart. It doesn't suit you." And then he winked at their little audience, throwing his arm around his sub. He wouldn't mind having that for breakfast every day from now on.

~*~

After breakfast their first lesson would start, and John glanced one last time at his Elvis biography, before telling Paul to clear their table. The sub did so without complaining and John noticed some people, who had seen them this morning, grin at Paul and wink. It seemed like snogging in the hallway on the first day of school wasn't as normal as John thought it was. But he knew Paul had liked it, there had been something suspiciously hard pressed against his leg. He grinned at the thought and waved at Paul, who was walking over to him again.

"So, do you think we could snog a little before DME starts?", John asked when Paul was at their table again and the younger man blushed and was suddenly very busy with his fingernails. "I suppose we could, Sir," he answered, his tone polite but with a hint of mischief in it. John smiled and pulled the man in his lap, making Paul shriek and giggle. "Why not do it here, eh? Then they all know you're taken," John whispered and wrapped his arms around the younger man.

Paul felt a tingle in his stomach when John carressed his back and waist, and it had nothing to do with the breakfast. He liked John touching him. It had started with the handholding and the kisses and Paul had thought he only liked it because his parents had never really hugged him (Mike was too lanky and bony to hug, Paul thought). But he had also liked John's leg pressed between his own legs. He didn't know if it was weird, but for fucks sake, he was gay. And snogging a hot guy who looked like Elvis sure did something to his body.

John seemed to notice Paul's inner conflict and he let go of Paul, thinking the young man wasn't comfortable anymore, but Paul shook his head. "It's okay, Sir. I-I like it. A lot, actually," he stuttered and looked down, which was a mistake, as he was not looking at John's thighs and everything in between. Hidden under a thick and fucking annoying layer  jeans, of course.

John grinned when Paul blushed again and pulled him closer. He carressed his back and slowely started kissing Paul again, being careful not to lose control with Paul's very goodlooking bum almost where he wanted it the most. Christ, Paul did have some of Elvis features. 

Paul tasted of his breakfast, but there was something else, too. A faint bitter note, maybe from smoking too much during the past years. He tasted like autmn, like the feeling when you see all the colourful leaves fall to the ground and paint the green grass red and orange and yellow and brown. John deepened the kiss a little, but he was careful not to take it to far. A lot people kissed in the cafeteria, but he didn't want to put Paul in an uncomfortable situation in front of the whole school.

When they parted again, Paul was breathing heavily and his lips were shiny and dark red, making his face look paler and his eyes brighter. The younger man smiled and hid his face in John's chest, obviously embaressed by the act of affection. John stroked his back a little while longer, but they were supposed to go to class now, and he didn't want to be late in their first lesson.

"Let's go, Paulie. I don't want to be late at our very first lesson," John said, but Paul shook his head like a child and leaned closer to John, wanting to kiss him again. Feeling someone so near and warm, right next to him, caring about him, it was new to Paul and now that he had had a taste, he just didn't want to stop anymore. John kissed him once more, gentle, careful, loving. But then he moved, so Paul had to get up from his lap and the younger man's puffy lips were all pouty, when John looked at him again.

"We can snog later, Paul. Let's go now," John said again, his voice a little stricter now. He wrapped his arm possesively around his sub's waist and led him through the school to the classroom, in which their DSE lessons would take place.

When they arrived, most people were already there, even Mr Epstein, the teacher. He greeted them with a smile and his face seemed relieved when he noticed John's arm and Paul's absolutely relaxed face. Brian remembered this boy, he had been the one who had seemed so tense. It was comforting to see him in the arms of his dom without being afraid. If he was honest, he had had some worries about John Lennon, as he was quite the troublemaker. Thrown out of school with only eight years for beating a girl, who had a nicer bike than him. Thrown out of his other schools for bad grades and reading pornographic magazines in school. Heavy alcohol problems at the age of seventeen because of his mother's death. Arrested for spraying "God is gay" on multiple walls. Arrested for doing weed and cocaine. 

But behind that facade of drugs and violence Brian could see something else, a boy like everyone else. Or maybe not like everyone else, but just as afraid and vulnerable as all people his age. The boy didn't know it, but Brian had seen him many times before, as he used to work in a record shop, where John would spent his freetime looking at records by Elvis and Chuck Berry and Little Richard, knowing he wasn't able to afford them, because he had already spent his money on a new guitar or cigarettes and booze. John had always seemed shattered to him, broken. Far too young to have those eyes, that spoke of pain and love and everything inbetween. Whenever John had spent his whole day in the shop, something bad had happened to him. Running out of cigarettes, his mother's death. Not quite the same thing, Brian thought and chuckled. He was glad, that being responsible for the younger boy seemed to help John with dealing with his own problems, even after just a few days.

"Good morning! Please take your seat so we can start the lesson," a voice said and John looked at the door. Another man had stepped in, older than the students, but still young for being a teacher. "I am Mr Martin, Mr Epstein's dom. We will be your teachers in DSE, but I'm sure you have already been told all that."

Mr Martin walked over to his sub and smiled at him in a loving way. A few students giggled when Mr Epstein blusher in a very in love kind of way.

"So, for the first part of this lesson, we will part. Mr Epstein and the subs will stay here, Doms,  please follow me! It's important to talk about the relationship without the partner hearing everything," Mr Martin continued and Paul got up from John's lap with an almost disappointed look on his face. John smiled at him and leaned in, kissing him very very slowly.

"I'll be right back, okay? You can always come to me, if you're not comfortable here, you have my allowance and I will talk to the teachers. Okay?", he muttered, making Paul smile and kiss him again. He already missed the touching and kissing.

"Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and vote if you like it!♡♡


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me ages to upload and I am terribly sorry! At least it's longer than usually so I hope you can forgive me :') let me know if you enjoyed it! (Sorry for typos etc.!!)
> 
> Songs:  
> • 'pocket full of rainbows' by Elvis Presley  
> • 'this bitter earth' by Curtis Stigers (not sure if he wrote it though)

John and the other Doms followed Mr Martin to another classroom, where they were told to sit down. The classroom was small and had about 20 chairs standing in the middle of it in a circle. John took a seat next to Ringo, the guy they had eaten with, and waited for Mr Martin to do anything. After the class had calm down and was quiet, the teacher smiled and started to speak.

"So, this is the first part of DSE, the part in which the Doms and Subs have seperated lessons. It is important if the sub is being abused, or if the dom doesn't know what to do anymore. Whatever you say in here will not be told anyone, not your sub, not even Mr Epstein. Please respect the other's privacy and don't tell your sub or anyone else about what someone else said. This is the only way we can keep this class safe and secure for you. So, who wants to start? Just tell us a little about what has happened during the past days," he said and John felt relieved to know Paul wouldn't know about this. The responsebility was a lot to handle for the young man and he knew it was not good if Paul ever found out how difficult this was for him, too.

Mr Martin asked a lad named Pete Shotton to start, who was sitting next to John, and the boy nodded. He grinned nervously and started talking about his sub, who seemed to be rather shy. He told the class that he had had no difficulties with rules and that his sub had not disobeyed him yet. Although everything seemed be great in their new relationship, he had not dared to make any more physical moves than holding hands. The teacher nodded, but didn't comment the story. John was next and he cocked one eyebrow, when he saw Mr Martin started grinning.

"So, I've heard you and your sub have already been rather physical in public," he said and smiled warmly at John. But the younger man didn't like the way the teacher seemed so smug, almost amused, by something so important for both him and Paul.

"Well, actually I think Paul likes this relationship. I don't think his feelings are romantic or anything like that. He had just never had someone to kiss. Or someone who cared about him, for that matter. His parents weren't really fond of their kids and... it's actually quite hard to see the surprise in his face whenever I hug him or kiss him or just hold his hand. He's never really been loved before and the fact that someone wants to touch him seems almost absurd to him. He sometimes snuggles up to me when he sleeps and hugs me. I don't mind it at all, it's quite sweet actually, but I think it shows how much he craves any kind of human contact. It's a little scary how new this sort of relationship is to him, and he gets upset a lot. It's not easy but I do think he enjoys this...relationship, whatever it is."

The class was quiet when John finished and they all seemed rather...shocked actually. _Shit_ , John thought, _their subs don't have these kind of problems._ Mr Martin's face seemed a little worried now and he nodded. There was a crease on his forehead and suddenly John felt guilty for telling all these strangers about something so private.

"I see. If there is a problem with your relationship, please don't hesitate to contact me or my husband. I hope you can help Paul with this, John. It's not easy for him to be here, but I am glad to hear he kissed you. That means there is some sort of trust between the two of you," he said and John nodded, a warm and fuzzy feeling in his stomach.

 _Trust_.

_Paul trusted him._

~*~

"So," Mr Epstein started and seemed rather excited to begin the lesson, "How was it? Do you like your Doms?". The teacher talked as if they were a group of teenage girls fangirling about some actor and Paul had to grin.

"Paul? Why don't you start?", the older man asked and smiled encouragingly at him. Paul swallowed and nodded. He was a little scared to talk about this, as it was private and the intimate moments he had shared with John were very dear to him. Although Mr Epstein had asked them not to tell anyone about what happened in this class, Paul wasn't sure whether he could trust the others.

"Um...Alright. Uh, well, John is my dom. He's nice and he looks pretty nice so...it was... nice," Paul stuttered. He didn't want to tell these people about the night he had cried. About how John had held him and rocked him and kissed him until he had fallen asleep. Or about how they had snogged the next morning, both knowing their relationship had changed, after such a short time. It was private and he didn't have a problem with it, so he saw no sense in telling them about this.  
But the teacher seemed to know about his fear, having taught many classes before, and smiled at Paul.

"May I ask how far you've gone in your physical relationship? You don't have to tell us, of course, but nobody here gets judged or laughed at.", Mr Epstein asked and Paul nodded.

"Well, we've snogged. In the hallway. People were watching," Paul said dryly and a few other subs giggled. Paul blushed deep red and looked away, when he heard someone whisper _"Yeah, I saw them. Looked_ _like they_ _were about to_ _fuck_ _!_ "

But Mr Epstein seemed satisfied with Pauls answer, as a lot people didn't want to talk about their relationship during the first weeks or months. They would get used to this and it would be a lot easier for all of them.

~*~

Paul's lesson didn't take as much time as he thought it would, and the subs were told to go back to their rooms. Mr Martin would tell the doms to open the door on their card for them.  
Paul strolled through the hallways of their school, watching the people passing him, his mind drifting off into a daydream. He would love to go to the park now, as he was missing nature quite a lot, but he knew people would get worried if John didn't have to open his door, so he made his way over to their room and held his card in front of the scanner.

 _Waiting for answer..._  
_Entry allowed_.

So John had clicked the little button on his card. Paul smile at the thought, that he had communicated with his dom without talking to him. Somehow it made him feel happy to know John and him shared a home now.

He let his bag fall onto the floor and got himself a glass of water. The sun tinted the room in a goldish glimmer and Paul closed his eyes for a few seconds, just enjoying the quietness and warmth around him. He felt like playing something on his guitar, just making or listening to music. He missed the familiar voices of Elvis, David Bowie, Freddie Mercury, Janis Joplin and all the other people who had rebelled against their rolls in society. He admired them and they were like friends to him, people that seemed to care about him. He didn't have other people like that in his life.

 _Yes. Yes, Paul, you do_.

Paul smiled when he thought of John and how the man seemed so concerned whenever Paul wasn't smiling. How his lips caressed Paul's as if he wanted to make sure he felt valued. How he hugged him at night, when they both didn't dare to speak. How he sometimes watched Paul, thinking the other man didn't notice.  
The older man wanted him to feel good, and Paul thought, that right now, playing his guitar would make him feel good.

He opened his eyes and got up, searching for his dom's guitar. He would hear the key when John would come back. He would just put the instrument back into it's case and John would never know about this.

When the young man had found the guitar, he placed it on his lap and let his fingers caress the soft, cool wood of the it's neck. It felt good holding a guitar in his hands again, even though it wasn't his own. Paul placed his finger on the A major chord and strummed, immediately hearing that it was out of tune. His clever fingers started tuning the instrument, pulling familiar sounds from the strings and feeling a weight being lifted off his chest. Finally he could breathe again.

When the guitar was in tune again, he started plugging and singing softly. It was a song he knew better than anything else, having sung, played, and listened to it too many times to count them.

 _This bitter earth_  
_What fruit is bares..._  
_What good is love_  
_That_ _no one_ _shares?_  
_And if my life_  
_Is like the dust_  
_and_ _hides the glow_  
_Of a rose_  
_What good am I?_  
_Heaven only knows._

 _This bitter earth_  
_Can be so cold_  
_Today_ _you're_ _young_  
_Too soon_ _you're_ _old_  
_But while a voice_  
_Within me cries_  
_I'm_ _sure someone may answer my call_  
_this bitter earth,_  
_Oh this bitter earth_  
_May not be so bitter after all..._

 _But while_ _a voice_   
_Within_ _me cries_  
_I'm_ _sure someone may answer my call this bitter_ _earth_  
_May not be so bitter after all._

John watched Paul play with a smile on his face. It seemed like he hadn't noticed John had arrived. The younger man seemed so calm and happy, just plugging these strings and singing softly, voicing his love, heartbreak and everything in between. It seemed right and John realised, that this was where Paul belonged. This guitar made Paul whole, the music made him shine and seem so much happier.

"That was really good," John said and Paul turned his head, surprise and worry written on his angelic features. He quickly lay the guitar down on the bed and got up, looking on the floor.

"I'm sorry for using your guitar without asking, Sir. I know I shouldn't have-" but John interrupted him with a hand on his cheek, his thumb caressing the soft skin.

"Look at me, Paul," he said and when those hazel eyes locked with his, he smiled gently. "I'm not going to keep music from you, remember? You can play whenever you want, Princess. I'll buy you a new guitar and until then you can have this one, okay? I have another one I can use," he whispered and a smile tugged on his subs lips.

Suddenly John felt arms thrown around him and Paul pressed their bodies against each other, not knowing how to thank John in a different way. "Thank you, Johnny," he muttered into the older man's chest, and held him tight without letting go. John felt his heart swell and kissed Paul on his head.

"Anytime, dear. You can play now, if you want to". But Paul didn't let go of John, his warm chest and strong arms wrapped around him feeling so much better than anything else. John held him close for a while longer; he knew how much Paul needed to be hugged.

"You okay, sweetie?", he asked and the younger man looked up at John's face nodding and smiling. He loosened his grip around John's waist and almost ran to the bed, eager to play again. John sat down on the chair next to their table, wanting to listen to his sub.   
Paul started playing pocket full of rainbows, his fingers dancing across the strings.

"Kiss me extra tender, hold me extra tight...", he sung and looked at John, who had a proud smile on his lips. Paul was really good on the guitar, better than anyone he had known in his old school. Better than him, even!

However beautiful it was to play again, Paul's throat started to itch with the need for nicotine. The younger man hadn't exactly talked a lot, but now that he sang his second song, he really felt his addiction again. He coughed once, but it didn't seem to help, so he just continued the song without singing.

"What's the matter?", John asked, having noticed his sub's struggling. But Paul just shook his head and told him nothing was wrong, so John gave it up.

After a few hours, John said they were supposed to go to dinner now, and Paul looked up in surprise. He hadn't even noticed how late it was, time always seemed to fly when he was playing. He coughed once again, his throat still feeling funny.

"Paul, why do you cough?", John asked, this time expecting a serious answer. But the other man just shrugged and muttered something about having caught a cold. Of course John didn't buy it, but he didn't want to push Paul too far. The lad would have to tell him if something was seriously wrong.

Dinner was just as delicious as always, and after they were done, John wanted to go to the library again. Paul groaned at the prospect, knowing there was a guitar upstairs, waiting for him to play it. John laughed at Paul's annoyed face.

"It's okay, you can go upstairs. I'll open the room for you," John grinned and Paul sighed in relief. He wanted to get up, but John shook his head.

"One more thing, Paul. Don't wank," he said, his voice strict and serious. Paul looked at him for a few seconds, completely stunned that his dom would so bluntly say something like that while they were having dinner in the cafeteria. Nevertheless he nodded and stuttered that he wouldn't touch himself.

~*~

The itching was getting worse and worse. He knew he couldn't take a cigarette out of John's package, he would smell it and notice the missing cancerstick. But he craved it so badly, _just one small drag-_

Paul groaned into his pillow and tried to concentrate on the new episode of Sherlock Holmes, but even Benedict Cumberbatch's handsome face couldn't make the feeling vanish. He switched off the TV and closed his eyes, hoping the quietness of the room would somehow make him feel better. But it didn't.

Even behind his shut eyes he could see cigarettes, smoke, a lighter...suddenly his eyes started to water. He _needed_ a cigarette, he thought he would die if he didn't smoke right now. But Paul didn't get up to steal one of John's. He didn't do anything apart from letting the drops behind his lids escape, wetting the pillow beneath his face.

The itching had started to become more painful, a dull ache in his throat and lungs. Why the fuck had he even started smoking in first place? Why hadn't he listened to his parents? The tears continued to roll down his baby cheeks, wearing him out and exhausting him. A soft sob escaped his throat.

The door opened, but he didn't hear over the blood pumping through his ears. John walked into the room and as soon as he saw Paul was crying he hurried over to the bed and wrapped the younger man up in his arms.

"Sweetheart, what's the matter?", he muttered, his thumb caressing Paul's cheek. But Paul shook his head, too proud to admit that he had no control over his addiction. John rocked him from one side to the other, hoping he would fall asleep, but Paul continued to cry and sob.

"Paul, I want you to tell me what is going on right now," John ordered, his voice still gentle, but with a strict edge to it. The younger man shuddered and wiped the tears of his face.

"I-," he coughed, "I n-need a cigarette, p-p-please." John looked at him with big eyes, wondering if Paul needed a smoke to calm his nerves, or if he cried _because_ he needed a smoke.

"Please John, please, it hu- hurts," Paul whimpered and coughed again. John had never seen anything like that, anything close to it. Was Paul's addiction so strong that he _sobbed_ because he hadn't smoked in a few days?

"How much did you smoke before you came here?", he asked, his voice gentle, but not as under control as it usually was. Paul tried to inhale deeply and muttered something into John's chest.

"Paul?", John asked, a little stricter this time.

"A package a day," the sub said a little louder, his eyes closed. John sighed and nodded. That explained a lot. Smoking about twenty cigarettes a day and then suddenly completely stopping would be difficult for anyone. And Paul was emotional not very stable, so it was no wonder why he craved the drugs.

"Alright. You get two cigs a day for next couple of weeks. You smoke before you shower in the morning and after dinner in the evening, that way nobody but me notices it," John said and Paul's lids fluttered open. If someone found out, they'd both be thrown out of this school. Subs weren't supposed to smoke or drink. Most people even disliked it when a sub drank coca cola or coffee.

John got up and grabbed his package of Malboros and a lighter. Usually he smoked Lucky Strike, as Malboro was so light you could smoke tea and have the same effect, but he hadn't found his favourite brand last time he bought cigs.

The older man got two cigs out and gently guided the still crying Paul to their balcony. It seemed like the lack of nicotine in his system gave Paul physical pain and John hated to see his sub like that.

John helped Paul to sit down on one of the chairs and placed the cigarette between his subs pretty lips, his thumb gently touching the younger man's lower lip. Paul shuddered, if it was from the touch or the prospect of smoking, John didn't know.

The dom lit both their cigarettes and watched almost fascinated how Paul took his first drag and closed his eyes. He didn't blew the smoke out for a few seconds, cherishing the feeling of nicotine in his system.

"Why didn't you stop smoking when you knew you were going to come here? You did know you wouldn't be allowed to smoke, didn't you?", John asked when Paul's hands had stopped shaking and there were no tears in his eyes anymore. Paul took another drag before answering.

"I knew people didn't approve it. I knew my life would be over, you know? I don't have any decisions to make anymore, there is nothing I can decide about myself or anyone else. And the cigs, well...people wanted me to stop. But I thought that I really needed to use the time I had left. If I had stopped before coming here, my freedom would have been over way sooner. They would have had control over me before I even came here and I didn't want that," Paul explained. He had barely talked that much during the past days and John felt relieved to see the boy was finally opening up to him.

"Do you still feel like your life is over?", John asked, somehow almost afraid of the answer.

"Yes. But it's not your fault, if that's what you think. It's society's fault. But what can I do about it? I'm a gay, young sub, who would listen to me?" Paul looked at the cigarette and flicked his thumb against the end, making the ashes fall onto the ashtray.

Looking at the younger man, noticing how broken and unfixable this man was, shocked John. He hadn't realised until now, that Paul didn't want to be fixed. He broke the rules not for the sake of being a rebel, but because he wanted to stay himself. And who was John to blame him for that? Hadn't he done the same thing when he slept with all those other doms in dirty alley ways, just to tell society that he could sleep with who ever he wanted to, be it a dom or sub? When he had spray painted "even Jesus had two dads" on the walls of his first highschool? When he had taken cocaine to show his aunt that she couldn't control him?

He hadn't known the consequences of his actions, and neither did Paul. He hadn't known that he would get addicted and steal money from the people he loved just for another fix. Or that he'd had to scrub the whole school when his teachers had found out.

And Paul didn't know that this would destroy him, that he couldn't keep this attitude up. To see that nothing would change about the way people thought of dom/sub relationships would shatter him, just like it had shattered John to see that people were still homophobes, and that his aunt _did_ control him.

John didn't dare to tell him, not when finally he had stopped crying and opened up to him. Not yet.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that this chapter took so long. I was just super busy, but I will try to write more from now on. I will correct typos and mistakes when I come home from school.
> 
> Warning: smut ahead! Don't read if you don't like it!!

"Paulie, wake up, princess. It's Saturday, we don't have school!", John muttered while gently stroking his sub's cheek. Their first week of school was done and the older man couldn't wait to do something else than discussing his relationship with people he didn't give a shit about.

Paul groaned in what seemed to be annoyance and John had to smile. His sub slept more than any person he had ever met; if John let him, he would probably spent his whole day in bed. It was cute really, the way he scrunched up his nose in displeasure whenever John woke him, how dreamy his eyes were after just waking up. The older man could wite a whole book just about that.

"Please let me sleep just five more minutes," Paul groaned and John's smile widened. 

"No Paul, I want you to smoke now so you can shower and we can eat breakfast," he replied, knowing that the prospect of smoking never failed to get Paul out of bed. But today the younger man just shook his head and pulled the covers up until nothing but his hair was visible.

"You will get up now, or you won't smoke for the next week," the dom threatened - though still amused by Paul's behavior. Another headshake and a sigh and John grabbed the covers, pulling hard. Paul quickly curled up into a foetus-like position and the older man shook his head. His sub really did do anything to stay in bed.

John started stroking his cheek again and saw Paul open his eyes, looking at him with a flustered expression. His cheeks were red and he tried to avoid his dom's eyes, obviously embaressed and ashamed by something. John frowned and pecked the younger man on the lips once, a gentle and affectionate way of showing him that there was nothing to be embaressed about.

"What is it, Paul?", he asked, lifting one eyebrow. The younger man remained silent, but started biting his lips in a nervous manner. John pulled at the covers again, this time a little more gentle, and Paul let go of them. But his eyes remained big and questioning and his cheeks blushed. The older man lifted his chin, trying to make Paul look at him.

"Tell me what it is," John whispered once their eyes were locked and Paul sighed. He couldn't disobey John when he was so kind and loving to him. So he sat up and looked down at his lap, where a bulge was very much visible.

John laughed when he realised what had happened in Paul's sleep and stroked his hair.

"You're so silly, Paul. There's no shame in having a boner in the morning! Especially after so many days of not wanking," he chuckled and then he leaned in and their lips touched again and Paul's world seemed to explode. It was nothing compared to their kisses before. This was not the affectionate kiss of a loved one, this was the kiss of someone who wanted to get him off, and the thought of that made Paul's dick twitch.

John licked into his sub's mouth, tasting the need on his tongue and he smiled. Paul hadn't pulled away yet, but the older man wanted to be completely sure that he was ready for the next step. So he broke the kiss, making Paul whine and follow his touch.

"Do you want me to help you with your little problem? Or do you want to take a cold shower  and wait until you're ready for me to help you? No wanking in the shower, though", John said, his voice low and deep, much like Elvis'. He would give Paul a handjob, but the younger man would not be allowed to do it himself. It was either John's hand or no hand at all. Paul was still embaressed and their relationship was still fresh. A week ago they hadn't known each other and now John offered to give him a handjob. But was he ready? Paul wasn't sure, but the thought of having to step into the shower without wanking was terrifying.

"Yes, please," he muttered and felt his cheeks heaten up even more. John smiled proudly, glad that Paul had overcome his embarressment, and captured his lips again. The younger man moaned at the sudden touch and shuddered, when John started to caress his sides, chest and back. Paul was already half naked, as he only slept in his boxers, so John had plenty of room to work. But John broke away again, making Paul growl in annoyance.

"You know that your training includes sex. I will set rules, but for now we start easy, okay? Just remember your colours: green for _go on_ , yellow for _I'm seriously uncomfortable_ and red for _stop_. There's only one rule today, which is you come only on my permission. If you disobey you will get punished," John said and Paul nodded, careful to remember everything his dom said. He knew that the punishment for disobeying during sex was sex, too, be it spanking, edging or anything else. He sure as hell didn't want that. 

"Yes, Sir, I understood," he answered politely, wanting to be on his best behavior so he would get release soon. John smiled at him and nodded, before kissing the corner of his mouth, trailing down to his neck. John felt his own body get aroused, too, by tasting the younger man's skin on his tongue. But this was about Paul, and only him. It was a long way until he would let Paul pleasure him, as the young sub still seemed to be shy and not too comfortable.

John continued to only kiss and carress Paul and his heart fluttered when he felt Paul relax under him. It was important to him, that Paul didn't just want this to get off, but because it was John who got him off. Deep in thought, John hadn't noticed Paul had started to touch himself through his boxers, but when the older man pulled away, he shook his head.

"Second rule: You don't touch yourself unless I tell you to," he whispered in Paul's ear, before sucking his earlobe into his mouth. The younger man squirmed and moaned at the strange, yet pleasurable feeling. John could have gone on like this forever, just sucking on various bodyparts and hearing Paul moan and groan. But he knew it was too early for Paul to try edging, so he let his fingers trail down to the front of his sub's boxers. 

His fingers were gentle, almost teasing, and Paul pushed his hips up into the hand, seeking more of that sweet friction. John held him down with his other hand, making it clear that he was in charge, but he rubbing him harder. Paul threw his head back and his face was scrunched up in delicious pleasure.

John watched Paul's muscles flex, as the younger man tried not to push up into his hand, and he was fascinated by Paul's beauty. John had slept with many people before, boys, girls, men, women, subs, doms and everything inbetween, but Paul seemed to pull him in. Suddenly John had to think about a song his mum had had used to play to him: I put a spell on you, by screamin Jay Hawkins. How many times had he listened to this song and never really got the meaning? 

He did now. The song was not just about sex, it was about the feeling you have in your stomach when you sleep with someone you actually like. Sure, John had had girlfriends, but none of them had been dear to John. They had been for his entertainment when he was bored. Something to keep his dick interested. Paul was so different. The older man liked him in a different way than he had ever liked anyone. 

"John, please m-move," Paul moaned, pulling John back to reality. He hadn't even noticed that his hand wasn't moving anymore. John shook his head to get rid of all the confusing thoughts in his head, and slipped his hand into Paul's boxers. The younger man started to breathe heavily, his eyes shutting in intense pleasure.

"Keep them pretty eyes open, luv," John muttered and gently kissed Paul's neck. It was addicting, to nibble, kiss, lick and suck at Paul's skin, to paint him in red marks, that indicated he was taken. John knew he was a jealous person in general, but the thought of Paul being with someone else made him more furious than any other person could.

Paul's droopy eyes were unable to focus on anything, but John smiled proudly. Paul seemed to be far more obedient during  sex than at any other time of the day. When Paul's movements started to get more desperate and all kinds of sounds spilled from his lips, John knew he was close. A few strokes and the man would be coming in his boxers.

"I want you to look at me, when you come," he ordered, his voice sounding as dark as before. Paul groaned, his hands twitching, just wanting to finally stroke himself a tiny bit faster so he could get release. It took a few seconds until his eyes were focused, and John smiled at him when he managed. The older man leaned in and pulled Paul's lower lip between his own, sucking on it, gently biting down on it. He felt the younger man shudder and try to hold back, when he pulled away again.

"Come for me, darling."

Maybe it was the nickname, or the fact that it was an order, that pulled Paul over the edge, but the younger man mewled John's name and came hard, harder than he ever had before. 

It was captivating to see the sub lose it, to see his eyes go off focus, his legs trembling and body vibrating. He looked even more beautiful than usually, and John felt his head get dizzy, like the first time he had smoked and gotten a nicotine shock. Paul was just as addicting as cigarettes. The younger man was panting, his eyes closed. He felt almost afraid to open them again. John was so experienced and Paul had just gotten his first handjob. He felt his cheeks heat up and heard John chuckle, the sound closer to his ear than he had expected.

"It's fine, Paul. No need to get embaressed," John muttered and started to gently knead his sub's tense muscles to help him relax. The first sexual experience with someone else had been intimidating for him, too, and he wanted to show Paul that no one would judge him for anything he said or did during sex.

"John?" Paul asked, his voice low and quiet from the peace that comes after an orgasm. John hummed to let him know he had heard him.

"Could you...could you not tell anyone about this? In class, I mean. I just don't want them to know, yet," Paul muttered and opened his eyes again. It wasn't that he was embaressed of doing this with John; it just felt so good and right. He didn't want someone else to have even the slightest chance to destroy this. To his relieve John nodded and smiled his warm smile.

"How could I say no to those eyes?", the older man asked and Paul giggled softly. He felt giddy with happiness, the peace of his aftermath and lo-

 _No. No Paul, don't even try to end this thought!_ , he scolded himself. This was really not the time to fall in love. He wanted to be a rebel and to show society how wrong this whole dom-sub-thing was, not fall in love with his dom! That wasn't part of the plan.

"What are you thinking?", John asked softly, his fingertips slowly tracing Paul's nose. He looked as if he wanted to imprint the image of Paul on his brain forever, as if his fingers were painting him onto a canvas in his mind. The little voice in Paul's head said, that being in love with that man wouldn't be the worst thing.

"That I don't want to fall in love with you," Paul answered honestly. John's smile widened and his touches became lighter, almost teasing. His eyes darkened a little and there was a hint of mischief in them. His breath ghosted over Paul's ear, making him shudder. John looked like he had on the first day they had met, amused, playful and very dominant. When he spoke again, his voice was hoarse.

"Oh, but you will. You will, Paul McCartney."


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took me so long, I was quite busy with school.
> 
> Mick Jagger is in this chapter, I know he's younger than John, but I made him older for the storyline. I hope that doesn't bother you :)

Paul already regretted having told John about his fear of falling in love with him. It had just been a couple of hours, but the older man had already managed to get chocolate and a red rose into their room, grinning smugly when Paul blushed furiously and buried his head in his hands. John obviously tried to make him fall in love with him. Paul pretended to hate it, but truth to be told, he actually quite enjoyed the attention. John had always been really kind to him, but as a sub, Paul had never had a lot of presents. Yes, a couple on christmas and his birthday, but never as much as his brother. Someone buying him sweets and flowers without a real reason made him feel very special.

"Hey Paul, what do you think about going out today? We could do something you weren't allowed to do before. Have you ever been to the cinema?", John asked him, while running his hands through the younger man's hair, who was laying comfortably in John's lap, reading a book.

Paul smiled at the thought of doing something like watching a movie at the cinema, it was as sweetly forbidden as cigarettes. But watching a movie meant he wouldn't be able to talk to John and that thought was highly unpleasant.

"John?", he muttered, and the older man hummed. "I've never been on a swing carousel."

John looked him straight in the eyes, looking like this sentence was a crime.

"You have never- What the fu- Alright, get up and get dressed, I know where I'm taking you." His voice sounded excited and he grinned wildly. Paul smiled, too. People had told him about the feeling you get when the flying swing moves up and the people on the ground get smaller and smaller. When you lift your head and you feel the wind in your hair and you body shakes with free laughters you can't control. Paul wanted to feel the same, free, flying, as high as the clouds.

He jumped of the bed and threw his book - Howl by Allen Ginsberg - onto the nightstand, before quickly searching for something to wear. The weather was getting more autumn-ish and he knew a t-shirt would be too cold. So he grabbed a tight black jeans and one of his knitted pullovers, before opening the door to their bathroom. But he turned around once more and smiled at John, his cheeks red and his eyes sparkling. John hadn't seen him so happy since he had been playing the guitar.

When the boys had changed and shaved, John entwined their fingers, before kissing Paul gently. The younger man's lips tasted of toothpaste and aftershave, and John couldn't help but kiss him until there was nothing left but Paul's very own, sweet taste. The younger man was out of breath when they pulled away. He loved John's kisses more than he cared to admit.

"Let's go, princess," John said and opened the door.

When they arrived at the swing carousel, Paul swallowed hard. It was higher than he had thought it would be. But John's hand in his gave him the needed strength to nod at the older man and smile. John gently pulled him towards the woman who sold the tickets and bought one for each of them. 

There weren't many people around, as it was around noon and most people were at work or had gotten bored of the same old swinging carousel every day. John however had never really been a fan of the albert dock when he had been younger, so now it wasn't boring him like most of the very few attractions in Liverpool did. The tickets were fairly cheap - John guessed the woman needed any money she could get -  and the two of them got into their seats.

It was a double seat, making it possible for John to pull Paul closer to him, his right arm wrapped around the younger man's shoulders, his left hand gently stroking Paul's thigh. The younger man seemed a little nervous, but when the flying swing started to move up, a carefree laugh escaped those plump lips.

Everyone had been right, this was like flying! Paul felt the wind in his hair, tousling it, and there was no ground beneath his feet. Usually he would have felt unsteady and insecure, but who needed the ground when he had John's hand in his?

Paul laughed again, louder this time, and John joined in. This was good, this was free and right and damn perfect. The younger man couldn't believe he had missed something as wonderful as  this for the last eighteen years.

But as thrilling as it was, the carousel stopped after a couple of minutes. John saw the disappointment in his subs face and he waved at the woman to tell her to just keep going. He would let Paul fly for as long as the younger man wanted to. Seeing him as happy and carefree as he was, was captivating and addicting. It wasn't that Paul didn't laugh at home - John's jokes were too bad not to laugh at - but he always seemed too controlled. As if he hadn't realised that he could be himself when he was with John.

After about an hour Paul started to shiver and John told the woman to stop the carousel again.

"Are you cold?", John asked his young sub, who shook his head. But the goosebumps all over his arms told John different, and without thinking about it he gave Paul his leather jacket. It was way too big on him, but John thought he looked adorable.

Paul smiled at John and got up. It wasn't like he didn't want to stay on the carousel, but he knew it wasn't exactly cheap and they had already been on there for quite some time. He hated it when people payed for him.

John seemed to understand and got up as well; Paul tried hard to ignore the view of John's strong arms flexing. John caught him looking and grinned.

"Like what you see?", he asked and winked. Paul blushed like a little kid having been caught eating sweets before dinner and John chuckled. He leaned in and licked at Paul's earshell. When he talked again his voice was low and rough, his breath tickling Paul's ear.

"Told you you were gonna fall in love with me, Princess."

When they had paid - John stopped Paul from apologising for the high price by kissing him - the younger man turned towards the bus stop, but John shook his head.

"I'd like to take you to a bar if you want to," he explained and cupped Paul's cheek, stroking it affectionately. It was just something he did when Paul looked as cute as he did then.

"A real bar?", Paul asked, stunned. His dom laughed and nodded. It was always pleasure for him to see how he could surprise the younger man with such little and ordinary things as going to a bar and buying him chocolate. But there was always this hint of anger towards Paul's family. Why hadn't they bought him sweets, like his aunt used to when he was living with her? Yes, she was a not very affectionate woman, but she showed her love through actions, not words. She always knew what John needed, the right words or maybe even an awkward hug. John did know how much he meant to her, and he couldn't believe that someone would not want to see Paul happy. He would bthe whole chocolate in the world if that made Paul happy!

"Daydreamin', huh?", Paul asked and chuckled. John smiled vaguely, still in his own head, but when the younger man took his hand, he looked up. It had always been him who did the "touching-part" of their relationship and it was overwhelming for him to see that Paul did enjoy this newfound closeness. He was a mystery to John, a puzzle waiting to be put together. John hoped Paul still held all the pieces.

When they arrived at the bar John had spent his teenage evenings at, Paul stopped at looked at a sign at the door. 

"Its says only doms are allowed to go in there," he said, disappointed. John chuckled and pulled the door open.

"It says you gotta be eighteen as well, and I've been getting drunk here since I was 15," he answered, laughing when Paul's eyes widened. It hadn't been a joke, though; he knew the owner quite well, if not better than he should. 

They went in and for the first time in his life Paul saw what a bar looked like. It was different from what he had expected, dirtier and somehow better. The air was thick and smelt of smoke and alcohol, but the young man enjoyed it. It was forbidden and new. People where sitting around small tables, drinking colourful drinks and chatting about their day. There were some couples in the darker corners of the room, seeking privacy to show their love for each other. The bar was dark, but cozy, and the setting sun peeked through some of the windows.

"Wanna sit down somewhere?", John said, leaning forward so Paul could hear him over the noise of all the people talking. The younger man nodded, knowing his 'yes sir' wouldn't be loud enough to be heard. John pointed at a table near a small higher area, much like a stage. Seemed like they had live music. 

They ordered their drinks - a beer for John and a coke for Paul - and Paul had time to look around. He felt calm with John by his side, a cool drink which he wasn't supposed to drink because the coffeine, in his hand. It had been a lovely day, and he felt better than he had in a while. 

"A penny for your thoughts," John said softely, like he had in the morning, and there was something in his eyes that was not the usual mischief. It was warmer and very unfamiliar to Paul. But he liked it, because John's eyes were all he needed them to be. Caring and light brown and soft and deep and the ones of a poet, of someone who had grown up but would always carry the child he once was inside of him.

"I'm not thinking of anything in particular. Just that this is the happiest I've ever been," Paul said and then he smiled sadly. He didn't know why he had said this, why he could never resist John. But being honest with him felt good and right. John seemed to sense Paul's confused feelings and he reached out to stroke Paul's cheek like he always did. 

"I'll take you here everyday if that makes you happy, Princess. Anything for you, you know that, right?" Paul didn't, but he nodded and nipped at his drink. He didn't want to get emotional in front of these people. It still amazed him that John was willing to do so much for him. He bought him gifts, he kissed him goodnight, he held him when the nightmares kept Paul from sleeping easily. It was such an entirely new side of the world, that Paul wondered if it was even real. John took a swig of his beer and got up.

"I'll be right back, okay?", he asked. "Oh and Paul, I'm sure I won't notice if a bit of my beer magically vanished when I come back," he added with a wink, making Paul smile. 

The older man walked to the bar and grinned at the owner of the pub. 

"Hey Mick, how's it going?", he aksed and chuckled when he saw the surprise in his old friends - or whatever they had been - face.

"Johnny boy, ay? Didn't know you were still alive!", the slightly older man answered and reached out to ruffle John's hair. But he saw the conflict in his eyes and stopped touching him.

"Hey, you alright?", he asked, his voice slightly worried now. John had never had a problem with touching when they had been... something.

"Yeah just...I'm here with someone. Someone I actually like. He's my sub, you know? I took him here cause his family was kind of crappy and he's crying all the time and - I just - hell, Mick, I missed you," John stuttered and then he shook his head to get rid of all his confusing thoughts. He pointed at a bottle of liquor and Mick, understanding that JOhn needed something stronger than a beer, fixed him a drink.

"So you're here with your new boyfriend, ay? I always thought you were more of a...screw-around-without-feelings guy". John chuckled and shrugged.

"You 'thought'? I think you knew quite well, Mick," he muttered and his eyes travelled down the older man's body until-

"You can't be looking at me crotch if you're here with your boyfriend, honey," Mick grinned. 

It felt good to talk to John again. He had missed this, the joking around, the careless chatting. Mick had always been one for trying drugs, but John had taken it too far a couple of times and they had kind of lost contact after that. It was good to see the younger man wasn't high on cocaine or something even harder anymore.

"Don't you want to introduce him to me?"

John chuckled and looked over his shoulder to see Paul watching him with a slight smile on his lips. John waved at him and held up three fingers to show him it'd only take a couple of minutes until he'd be back. Paul answered with his thumbs up.

"It's the black-haired one, then? He's cute. Has a bit of a babyface, though, don't you think? Anyway, I have to continue here, hon. There is this guy playing live music tonight and I have to get the stage ready and everything. Talk to you later, okay?", Mick said, while pouring two drinks at once. John chuckled and nodded. 

"Sure, Jagger. Good talk," and then he was walking towards Paul again and although he had missed Mick, he felt his heart jump when he saw Paul's face being streched by a smile.

"Who was that?", the younger man asked couriously when John arrived at the table again and the older man smiled.

"Um..an old...friend of mine. Actually we were shag buddies. The first time I took something up my ass it was him," John answered and chuckled at the memory of them being together in the back of Mick's car, awkwardly trying to figure out what to do. Paul's grin widened and he glanced over at Mick curiously.

"You don't mind him being here, do you?," John asked gently. He didn't want Paul to think he brought him here so he could meet his old shagbuddy. This was the only good bar which let subs in and John had always liked it here. 

"No, Sir. Actually he's really...handsome," Paul answered and John chuckled and hummed. It was weird for him to see Mick again. His life had changed a lot, he had stopped taking hard drugs and even got his drinking problem under control. He was in school again, he had a beautiful sub, his hair was cut and clean. Nothing like the time when Mick and him had fucked and snorted together. The two of them watched Mick run around on the small stage, plugging in guitars and keyboards and smoking something heavier than a cigarette. 

"You two have a real past, right, Sir?", Paul asked and John looked up. He smiled a little, a sentimental kind of smile, and nodded. He didn't explain further, so the younger man didn't ask.

"Gosh, Paul, I'm sorry I brought you here. I'm sure this is weird for you, we can leave if you want t-"

"Stop telling me you're sorry, John. This is the best place I've ever been to. I'm equal here, people accept me. And I don't mind meeting him," Paul interrupted him, nodding in Mick's direction, "I can see you like him. And he likes you."

John looked into Paul's hazel eyes and he wondered how he deserved someone as good as Paul. Someone who didn't ask questions about his past, someone who understood, someone who wanted to meet the people he loved. Paul smiled at him and raised his glass of coca cola.

"To you and your old shagbuddy," he said and laughed his beautiful laugh.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you liked it :)


	9. After months of silence I am back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! It’s been a while and I am sorry for the break! My mental health got increasingly worse and I just didn’t have the energy to write. I hope the chapter was worth the wait! Let me know what you think in the comments :)
> 
> Disclaimer: the line Paul mentions is from the movie Bohemian Rhapsody. I don't remember the exact words Freddie used, so if you do, please tell me, so I can change them :) thanks!!

Time passed quickly as John and Paul sat in the bar, drinking and laughing. Sometimes John would hand Paul his bottle and the younger man would take a swig before anyone noticed something. They were both happy to be here, together. It felt easy and good and so right.

 

After a couple of hours a young man started playing music on the little stage and for a few minutes they just listened. It was good music, their kind of music. Not this modern Pop shit, but real music, by talented musicians.

 

"It's refreshing to see somebody still knows these songs," Paul said to his dom, when the familiar sound of John Hiatt caressed his ears. John hummed and nodded, his eyes sparkling and his face relaxed.

 

The two of them had shifted closer during the time they had been sitting here and now Paul was almost in John's lap. Not that the younger man minded, of course.

 

"Let's dance, Paul. Let's just fucking dance," John whispered in the younger man's ear and pressed his lips against Paul's neck, sucking gently. Paul shuddered and closed his eyes so no embarressing sound would escape his lips.

 

He got up and smiled when John did the same, immedeatly throwing his arms around his sub. Paul wrapped his arms around John's neck and leaned in, waiting for the older man's permission to kiss him. John pressed his forehead against Paul's and they breathed the same air. This was natural and right, this was how it was supposed to be.

 

"I've been loving you for such a long time,

 

Expecting nothing in return"

 

The song was almost over and Paul rested his head against John's shoulder. They swayed more than they danced, but it didn't matter in that moment. It didn't matter that people laughed at them, chuckling about the cheesiness of a teenagecouple dancing to a love song in a bar. It didn't even matter that they were both broken, because together they were one and together they healed.

 

"Just for you to have a little faith in me.

 

You know time, time is our friend..."

 

Paul closed his eyes and breathed John in, trying to cherish all of this. The sound of sweet music, John's lovely scent. Aftershave and beer and cigarettes and something Paul couldn't quite name. The world seemed to fade away from them.

 

"I will hold you up, I will hold you up.

 

Your love gives me strength enough, have a little faith in me..."

 

The song ended as beautifully as it had started and Paul leaned up, gently caressing John's lips with his own. There was no room for anything but this feeling between them, this lovely tension that made them feel almost electrified. John looked into Paul's hazel eyes and smiled.

 

"So, Paul," he muttered, speaking directly into his sub's ear, "Have you fallen in love with me, yet?" The younger man smiled back and just kissed John. He wasn't ready to talk about this. John smiled into the kiss, happy that Paul hadn't said no. Okay, he hadn't said yes either, but those were just the details.

 

Dancing like this was new to Paul. His father had always wanted him to learn how to dance like a gentleman, when he had thought his son would be a straight dom. Things had changed.

 

The band was good and the next song sounded familiar to Paul, too. It was something by Van Morrison. When the singer started talking Paul looked over John's shoulder at the stage.

 

"This next song is one of my favourites. I want to dedicate it to these two guys over there. You're cute together," the singer said and Paul heard a few people chuckle. The young sub blushed when he noticed everyone was looking at them - the singer had meant John and him.

 

"He means us, John!", he whispered and blushed from the embarrassment of people looking at him. John laughed at Paul's reaction and waved at the singer, who winked back.

 

The song was faster and John started dancing with Paul in a very Elvis-like fashion, making the people in the bar chuckle and cheer. Paul had never danced like this with someone before, just holding hands and shaking their bodies like mad, but he loved it.

 

After some time the singer stopped and got himself a drink. Both Paul and John were quite happy about the break, as dancing like the King was more exhausting than one might think. John got himself another beer and another coke for Paul, who chugged it down in one go.

 

"Thirsty much?" John chuckled and Paul grinned. The few swigs of beer he had had earlier made his head spin now. He'd never drunk alcohol before and he did notice it.

 

"Not just for coke," he answered and looked John up and down, not being very subtle. John laughed and ruffled Paul's hair. "No more beer for you, Princess. Do you wanna leave? You can watch another episode of Sherlock when we come home."

 

Paul looked excited at the prospect of watching his favourite show, and he nodded. "Yes, Sir. That'd be awesome!" he answered and his face, which was rosy from the dancing and alcohol, lit up with his breathtaking smile.

For a second John just stared at him, amazed by his beauty. But when Paul cocked his head he stopped daydreaming and grabbed Paul's hand, kissing his knuckles gently.

 

"I'm just gonna say bye to Mick, alright?", John asked and Paul nodded. The older man told him to wait and went over to his old friend, not exactly feeling good about leaving Paul there, but not wanting to go without another word to Mick either.

 

"Heya Lenny," Mick said, when he spotted John. "Leaving already?"

 

"Yeah, well, you know. The days where I got pissed in bars until the sun rose are over," John said, grinning. He could see Mick would have liked him to stay, but his priority was Paul now. The younger man needed his help more than Mick did.

 

"Will you be happy, Mick?", John asked more serious now.

 

"Going soft on me, Lennon?" Mick answered with a grin, that didn't reach his eyes. He tried hard to make it look convincing, but he'd never been good at letting John go. Mick noticed John was still staring at him and he looked up from his hands.

 

"I have no right not to be, and that's almost the same," he said. He didn't look sad or angry. He looked empty, like a lake run dry. You could still see the beauty that had once been, but now all there was, was a fading image of the past.

 

John didn't know what to answer. He'd always known it had meant more to Mick. The way he had looked at him after another shag in a bathroom, as if hoping they'd wake up together the next day. Seeing this lost look in his friends eyes hurt him.

 

"I'm sorry, Mick. I am. I wish things had been different, but I've got to make sure Pauls okay. I can't leave him now," John whispered, not wanting other people to hear their private conversation.

 

"I know you do, John. You're a good man. You just have to figure out when to let that show, or the whole world will fall for you."

 

John looked down and smiled sadly. The whole world will fall for us, they had used to say when they had been strumming chords the wrong way on guitars that sounded like they were crying.

 

"Goodbye, Jagger," John said and he didn't dare to hug the other man, despite every pore in his body screaming at him to kiss his old friend.

 

"Bye, Lennon." The other man's voice sounded dead, like the sound of stepping on wet leaves. He smiled at John nonetheless. He was still his friend and there was no need to make this harder than it already was.

 

John went without looking back, his eyes fixed on Paul's, but he could still feel Mick looking at him. After years of sharing their darkest and brightest hours, he would be able to tell that anywhere.

 

"Let's go," he said to Paul, when he had crossed the room. The younger man didn't say anything, he could see John was in his own world right now. Together they left the bar, but when they reached the street, Paul groaned.

 

"Shit, John, I left my jacket in the bar. I'll be right back, okay?" He didn't wait for an answer and quickly made his way back again.

 

John didn't have to know he had left his jacket on purpose. The look on Mick's face had told him everything and he didn't just want to steal John away from him. He wanted to make sure the man would be alright himself.

 

~*~

 

"Sir? Mr Jagger?" He said, making the man turn around. Something changed on the older man's face, though not in a negative way.

 

"I go by Mick. Even for subs," he said and smiled. It looked genuine. Paul looked down, not sure how to start this.

 

"Look, Mick, I know you love John and I'm sorry for just stealing him like that. I can still drop out of school, so you guys can be togeth-"

 

But he never finished, as Mick interrupted him.

 

"Hun, it's alright. I'm not in love with John. Our relationship is very complicated and very deep, the term love doesn't even scratch the surface. I honestly appreciate you talking to me, but John had the chance to stay with me. He didn't take it and I've learned to deal with it. I'm not the right one for him anyway. You are," he answered and Paul looked at his feet, being ashamed. This would've been much easier if Mick had just shouted at him.

 

"I know he likes you, too. His eyes get all soft when he looks at you," Paul answered and he didn't know what he had just said that. But Mick laughed and shook his head.

 

"You haven't seen the way he looks at you, hun. That man would step in front of a bullet for you without a second thought."

 

Paul smiled, despite knowing how hurtful this must have been for Mick. He liked hearing this, even if he would never ever let someone die for him.

 

"Well, if you change your mind, I'll give you the school's address and number," he said but Mick shook his head again.

 

"I wouldn't destroy something as beautiful as your relationship with John. Honestly, just go and make sure he's fine. Oh and please, please, look for cocaine in his socks. That's where he used to hide it."

 

Paul looked at him with big eyes. Cocaine? Weed, yeah, but Cocaine? Even for John that seemed a little too much.

 

"I-I will. Goodbye," Paul said and Mick smiled at him. Maybe, if they didn't both need John that much, maybe they could have been friends. But, if Paul was completely honest, the thought of John being with Mick instead of him, the thought of him kissing the tip of the other man's nose, holding him at night, smoking with him, it didn't appeal to Paul at all.

 

He hated himself for that, he knew if he really liked John, he would want what was best for John, not for himself. But then he thought, that the older man had taken way too much drugs with Mick, and even though it was just to soothe his guilty conscience, he told himself it was better for John to be in school.

 

Paul nodded at Mick one last time, grabbed his jacket, and went, not looking back. The look in Mick's eyes, however, didn't leave his thoughts for the entire way home.

 

~*~

 

"So I told Mimi if she wanted me to stop playing Rock 'n' Roll, she'd have to shoot me. And you know what she said? She said-Paul?"

 

The younger man wasn't listening to his dom, his thoughts being elsewhere. He was chewing on his lower lip, making it turn all red and puffy. His huge hazel, soft eyes weren't focused on anything.

 

"Are you listening to me?" John asked and flailing his hand in front of Paul's face, who snapped out of his thoughts, looked at John and started laughing, as if the older man had said something really funny.

 

"Good one, Johnny," he said and grinned, though his eyes looked just as thoughtful as before. John shook his head and chuckled before kissing Paul gently. He stroked the younger man's cheek to make him relax, as Paul had been tense all evening.

 

"It's alright, princess, you can just think," he muttered against Paul's hair. Paul sighed at the gentle touches.

 

"I'm sorry, Sir, it's just been an exciting day," he apopgized and snuggled up into John's warm embrace. They were sitting on their bed like this morning, when Paul had been reading, only this time he didn't lay in John's lap. His head was resting in the crook of John's neck and their legs were tangled together.

 

"It's alright, honey. If you don't mind, I'll go have a smoke. Do you want me to stay here?" John asked. He knew whenever Paul's emotions were troubled, he needed support and somebody to take care of him. This day had been exciting and nerve-wracking in a good way, so it was only understandable that Paul didn't want to be alone.

 

"No Sir, it's okay. I'll change into something cozier if that's alright with you," Paul answered and John nodded, smiling. He got his package of cigarettes and a lighter, before going to the balcony. Paul got up as well and walked to their walk-in wardrobe. He really did want to change into something cozy, as his trousers were a little too tight after such a long day, but now was also the perfect chance to look through John's socks. Paul felt guilty at the mere thought, but he tried not to think about it too much. He did this, because he was worried about John, after all.

 

He looked over his shoulder to see John standing outside, smoke running from his lips, his eyes closed. He looked relaxed and at peace. Paul started opening different pairs of socks, hoping more and more, that he wouldn't find anything. His hands were shaky and pale, but he continued nonetheless.

 

When he opened another black pair of socks, he immediately saw something white peeking out. He pulled at it and felt the weight of the world pushing down on him.

 

There was a small plastic bag in his hand, filled with white powder and weird looking pills. Paul swallowed hard, but he couldn't stop the tears from burning his eyes like acid.

 

Paul had never had something as beautiful as his relationship to John and he had never felt as loved before. John cared about him, he hugged him, he kissed him, he sang to him and talked to him. He soothed him when he was having nightmares and laughed about his every joke. Paul had thought all of this had been real the whole time, but now - was John just high the whole time? Did he do cocaine when Paul was in the shower? And why did he do it?Paul hadn't been born sad, but after some years he had become addicted to sadness, like John to his drugs. But this new relationship helped Paul to laugh again, to get over his past. Maybe it didn't mean as much to John, because he still needed these pills to deal with his life. Suddenly Paul thought of a line in one of his favourite movies. Sometimes being alive is a state I can only survive with anaesthesia.He felt incredible sadness crushing down on him, breaking him beyond repair. He wasn't enough - again. What a fool he had been to think he was enough for John. He had never made his parents proud, so why would it be any different with J-

 

"What the fuck do you think you are doing, Paul?!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think of the new chapter :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s been months since I last posted, so thank you for being this patient with me. I hope you enjoy this chapter, though :)

Paul froze on the spot and turned around slowly. His dom's eyes were cold and hard and the look on his face scared Paul. Seeing Paul finding his cocaine had changed something in John and somehow that change made him look less...human.

"Lay that down." His voice was controlled and cold, everything it never was. Paul swallowed thickly. He hadn't wanted John to catch him.

"I said, lay that down, Paul.

The younger man suddenly noticed how unnaturally thin John looked. Not that he was super skinny, but it was obvious, that the dom didn't look like this usually.

"Look John, I think you need help. Cocaine is a serio-"

John grabbed Paul's arm harshly, his fingers cold against Paul's naked skin. 

"You are my fucking sub so you will shut your mouth and do as I say," John hissed, his voice quiet, but dangerous. Paul felt John's fist tighten around his arm and he winced. This wasn't the John he knew and liked, this was a different John, a John brought out by drugs and fucks in the backalleys behind dirty pubs.

"You-You're hurting me," Paul whispered and suddenly he felt tears in his eyes.

"Good," John spat and shoved Paul against the wall. "I don't want you to say a word about this to anyone, do you understand me? Not the teachers, not some other sub, no one. I forbid you to talk to anyone but the teachers unless you're told to work with them by Epstein or Martin. If I hear you stepped out of line, there will be consequences."

Salty tears streamed down Paul's cheeks. John had helped him fight the nightmares and panic attacks. He had helped him stop believing in monsters. But what good did it do, when the actual monster had been right in front of him the whole time? This was nothing that could be fixed, not by Paul, not by anyone. 

John's breath smelled of cigarettes when he leaned in, kissing the younger man roughly. No tender, gentle touches, no whispered "are you okay?". John's mouth against his felt hot and raw, and Paul realised this was the mouth Mick had tasted. He didn't kiss back, he just let John use his mouth as he wanted. When the older man pulled away again, there were tears in his eyes. He didn't dare to look in Paul's eyes, who was more than shocked by this sudden change in John's behavior.

"I am sorry, Paul. I-This... this isn't me," he muttered and his eyes looked less cold. He let go of Paul's arm and suddenly he didn't look dominating at all anymore. He looked fragile and hurt. He looked like a child. This was the first time Paul saw him break the wall he had so carefully built around him.

~*~

"What do you wanna eat? I...I'll just order something for today, alright? We haven't done that this week so it won't cost more than usually." John's voice sounded dead, there was no emotion in it at all. No sparkle in his eyes, no amused smirk on his lips. Paul looked up at him from where he had been sitting, reading one of his favourite books. ('To kill a mockingbird' by Harper Lee. Paul swore Scout Finch had been a real person.) 

"I'll have what you have, Sir," he answered and looked down quickly, not wanting to meet "the other John", as he had decided to call him, again. John nodded and called the kitchen, ordering sweetpotatoes, grilled cheese and a superfood salad for two.

"You can have your smoke once they've brought the food," John said and then he vanished into the bathroom, his cold behavior making Paul frown.  The younger man thought he had lost John, that there was no going back to how it had once been for the both of them.

"John, Sir?" he called through the door and heard John answer "Yes?"

The younger man swallowed hard. He had to get his Johnny back. The John who laughed at him when he pulled faces, the one who held him when he cried. The one who let him hate the whole world, but never himself.

"I- I think I might be in love with you."

Paul didn't know why he'd said this. He felt ugly and damaged. He shouldn't have said anything about this, what if it wasn't true? It wasn't true, actually! Or was it? Confused he shook his head.

The door slowly opened and John peeked out of the bathroom. His eyes were wet and red, and when he looked at Paul, it was him again. The John from the days before. The John who cared.

He didn't kiss Paul, or hug him. He just stood there, tears and pain in his eyes.

"You shouldn't, Paul. You shouldn't love me."

It was in this moment that Paul realised John was insecure, too. That maybe, even though he was a confident dom, he needed to be held at night, too. He needed someone to tell him they were proud of him. 

"But I have to! I know you're not gonna push me away, like you pushed Mick away. You don't have to be that person anymore, I can help you with your addiction. We can do this together," Paul said, reaching out for John. His hands found John's and he squeezed them.

John's brown eyes were filled with doubt, when he felt Paul's kind touch. He wasn't used to people being this kind to him, and he wasn't sure he liked it. Being alone, being hated, it was what John knew. He had grown fond of the lack of love in his life.

"You are a fucking extraordinary man, Paul," he muttered and pressed a tender kiss on Paul's nose.

"I won't take any drugs while we're here, alright? But you won't tell anyone about this, or there really will be consequences. I know I said this before, but nobody can know about this."

Paul looked at him with big eyes and nodded. There was no point in arguing about this, he know he had no chance of winning anyway. 

The younger man didn't want to have to meet the other John again, but he had to do something about his dom's addiction. John said he wouldn't take drugs while being in school, but that didn't mean he wouldn't when they were out of town, like they had been that day.

Paul knew it was selfish of him not to say anything, but he didn't want to see these feelings in those brown, hurt eyes again. He didn't want to be confronted with John's past and if he squeezed his eyes tightly enough to have his lashes hide the edges of their world, it seemed like maybe everything would be okay. And so they continued their relationship as if nothing had ever happened, they smoked and snogged and occasionally John would lend Paul a hand in terms of easing some sexual tension. Never the other way around though, it just didn't seem like Paul was ready for that step. So John would shower suspiciously long and Paul would snicker and then they'd go to dinner or class or bed. 

But there was always this sentence in the air, shining through the hazel colour of Paul's eyes whenever he saw John smile.

I think I might be in love with you.

Of course John noticed, of course he felt it whenever the magnets in his veins would draw him to the metal in Paul's. But he ignored it, brushed it off, tried not to think of it as if it was something unpleasant, despite it being the complete opposite.  
At night, when the curtains hid the stars from his eyes, the young dom let his head replay that memory over and over again. How he had been crying in the bathroom, the pain in his heart too much once again, how he had heard this extraordinary man call out these words to him. It soothed him, it made him let the white powder stay in his socks, though he occasionally broke his promise to Paul by smoking stuff a little harder than a normal cigarette. He just couldn't do without it, because he couldn't sleep while looking at this beautiful man by his side, who had decided on loving him despite knowing about the terrible side he had to him. He just couldn't sleep knowing that all of this might be over one day. He wanted to cherish every moment of being loved, because it was so new to him. It felt like having holidays after an especially exhausting year, like being on the beach for the first time, the salty waves being Paul's quiet tears he shed over a sappy movie or a sad song. John would dry all of them with his thumb, gently, careful not to hurt those angelic features. 

And although their bodies touched in many ways there was still this new found distance both of them despised. Nothing had changed, yet everything had. 

I think I might be in love with you.

You didn't just go around telling people you loved them, especially not after they physically abused you. And yet Paul did, once with his voice and a thousand times with his eyes. Half of the time John didn't even notice, because he was daydreaming in class or sketching Paul's nose on the back of a dirty piece of paper he found on the floor. But when he did, it never failed to make his sarcastic smirk change into something more genuine, softer, something a very bold person might call a smile.

And John did want to say it back, he did want to look into those puppy dog eyes and say those forbidden words. But he had a certain boundary inside of him, something telling him not to risk getting hurt once again. He had loved Cynthia and he had loved Mick. But Cynthia had left him for good reasons, because he had been disrespectful and straight up cruel to her. And Mick had been the exact opposite to her loving arms, rude and loud, a man of actions rather than words. It had started in the back of some dirty bars, and they had left nothing but various body fluids, including tears cried because of physical pain (At least that's what they told each other. Of course it was a lie.). And all he had left of those two people were memories, the remains of old cocaine somewhere in his skull and a couple of cracks in his heart.

And the cocaine he could manage, but he feared another crack would break his heart. And he couldn't handle that again, not after he had so carefully made sure it had healed after his mother's death.

So he kept quiet, never talked about his Mum or Cyn or Mick or the cracks in his heart or the remains of the drug behind his nose. But these words were there, never quite leaving, though not being graspable either.

I think I might be in love with you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you enjoyed this chapter, feel free to leave a comment or kudos. If you didn’t, I’d really appreciate constructive criticism.


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